My Vicious Demise (Demise #2) Read online

  “I’ve always thought Max was as well.” He shoved me gently, but with his two hundred fifty pound frame gently sent me into the bar. “I had lunch with your sister and her husband the other day.”

  “Oh?” I pretended to study the glasses, searching for water spots.

  “Mhm. Marriage suits her. Cutie pie,” he said, laughing to himself. Max and Raina hit it off in a way that comforted me. Raina never did well being on her own and since we were estranged I was glad she at least had Max. “She asked about you. A lot. You know how I feel about her crying. It kills me.”

  I wiped the glass roughly. “Don’t start, Max.”

  “You’re her mother. You can’t leave her on her own because you don’t agree with her choices. She loves that man. It’s obvious this is killing you both. Why don’t you let it go already?”

  His words did what he intended. They hurt me. “She’s twenty-one. How does she know what love is?”

  “You’re two years older than her. I doubt that makes you an aficionado. Have you ever been in love?”

  The glass was shining. “Not to the point where I’ve wanted to throw my life away for a hot body and nice eyes.”

  “Well, I have. And so has your sister. You can either drag this out forever to prove a point that may never mean anything, or you can remember that you both are all that you have in this world. She started a life I know you want to be a part of.”

  I placed the glass back in case I rubbed it broken and picked up another one, making sure it gleamed in the low lighting of the bar. “Can I have more hours?”

  “No.” He opened the olive lid, checked its fullness, and then closed it, moving to lean against the counter. “Your sister has an apartment.”

  “So does the state penitentiary.”

  “Becca,” he whispered harshly, aware of his clientele. “This has gone on long enough. Raina is your sister. The only thing holding her together right now is Kent. She’s falling apart without you.”

  I was falling apart without her. “I can’t stand him, Max. Kent is a dog.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not. That doesn’t matter. She loves him. You have to learn to live with that.” He pushed away from the bar and headed toward the back. “I expected so much more out of you.”

  His comment ripped me apart.

  It wasn’t as if I didn’t miss my sister. I missed her more than I missed anything. But she chose a man over me. I’ve never done that to her. No man was worth more than she was. Her betrayal hurt too bad to simply call her and tell her I was sorry.

  For the rest of my shift I busted my ass, trying to put as many drinks as possible between my sister and me. I made sure my cleavage was abundant and my smile was flirty, working the men who started to trickle in around five.

  I knew men. They weren’t that hard to figure out.

  In fact, they were disappointingly easy to pick apart.

  Like zombies from a rooftop.

  I was slaying them with ease.

  Chapter Two

  James

  My ceiling was marked with lines spreading out from the center. At one point I imagined someone botched the paint job. Now the lines looked like veins. They twisted within the paint, pumping life into my room. I didn’t feel alive, though.

  I was breathing. But I wasn’t alive.

  I rolled onto my side, exchanging my ceiling for the wall. It was dark in my room but my eyes had adjusted hours ago. I traced the shape of my dresser, the mound of clothes on the floor, and my shoes lying in a pile near my bathroom door. My heart pounded in my chest the harder I tried to sleep. I took a deep breath, but the inhalation brought me no relief. Returning to my back, I examined the veins in my ceiling once more, pretending they were throbbing with the life I didn’t feel.

  I give up.

  I kicked my covers aside and wrenched my door open, blinking at the bright light in the hall. Kent and Raina were still awake. Their bedroom door was open. I kept my eyes on the floor until I passed, not wanting to see them naked again. I’d seen Kent naked more times than I’d like to admit. I respected and cared about Raina in a way I didn’t with most people. The less I saw of her naked body the better.

  My concerns were unwarranted. They were only watching a movie. Kent looked over when he noticed me and nodded. I nodded in return before crawling over the back of the couch and settling down beside Raina. She glanced at me and smiled, beautiful and good the way I knew her to be. She was the only girl who could get me to smile. She grabbed my hand and held it on her lap as Patrick Bateman had a breakdown.

  Kent enabled the captions and then sat back, including me the way he always did. It was no use tonight. I couldn’t get her out of my head.

  Tess Kelley.

  I closed my eyes and let her dismissal wash over me for the hundredth time. We’d been going back and forth for weeks. Tess was sweet and nice. She seemed more interested in me than anyone else had been in a long time. She held my arm as we walked to class. And she smiled at me like I was worth something. I wasn’t just some guy she couldn’t shake.

  And then I spoke.

  Her eyes had widened in horror and her mouth gaped open.

  I ruined it by speaking. There were only three people in this world that didn’t blink when I talked. They were Kent, Raina, and my grandma Uma. Everyone else did a double-take. They determined I was defective. Put my voice with my deficiency. They realized I was deaf and subsequently a liability. I was particular about who I spoke in front of. Sometimes it was hard not to. Certain situations warranted words. There was no way around it. If there had been I would have taken it.

  Tess was going to step out into the street. There was a car driving too fast. For some reason I knew he wouldn’t heed the yellow light. He’d keep going when it turned red. He’d run Tess over.

  “Tess, wait!” The first and last words I’d spoken in front of her.

  Tess knew I was deaf, but she didn’t know it. It was a game we played, trying to figure out what she wanted. It wasn’t real to her until, of course, it was. Like watching skydiving videos to prepare yourself for the jump. But the jump was far more paralyzing than you ever thought. It was too real to dismiss once you were in the air, and the fall was your fall alone.

  She was uncommunicative for the rest of the evening. When I dropped her off at home she said she’d text me. I knew that text would never come. Tess wasn’t going to contact me because I was a fucking loser who couldn’t even hear her denial and she was perfect and untouchable.

  Someone shoved my shoulder. I looked over at Kent, pulling myself from the depressive fog that surrounded me. He raised his eyebrow and his mouth formed the words, “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head and took my hand back from Raina, crossing my arms over my chest.

  She looked at me too, frowning. She grabbed my chin to make it so I could see her mouth, but I moved out of her hold. I didn’t want to talk about it. My facial expressions were fairly clear. I’d perfected them for moments like this. But Kent knew me better than anyone else ever had. He got up and stood in front of me, making sure I could see his mouth and hands.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, signing it as he did.

  I made the sign for nothing, shaping my hand into a flattened “O” and then letting it go to look like I was preparing to give him a handshake.

  He signed that I was being a liar. “I don’t believe you.”

  I shrugged. It wasn’t my problem if he believed me or not.

  “You’re a shitty liar.” He looked irritated with me. “What’s wrong, James?”

  I rarely didn’t share my thoughts with him. Kent had been my best friend since I was eight years old. He was all I had other than Uma. But I couldn’t share this. It made me want to puke when I thought about telling him how I got stood up. He didn’t understand what it felt like. He was confident and capable. He was married to Raina now, but before her he’d had a different girl every night, sometimes two. He never had a problem getting girls. Even in high school he was
a player. I had no problem getting girls to sleep with me either. I had an issue getting them to stay. They only wanted sex and I wanted someone I could be with, or at least I wanted someone who wanted me in return.

  “Did you jack off wrong? I get it, bro. Sometimes it gets out of hand and you go down the wrong way and bam, your junk goes haywire. We’ve all been there.” He grinned at me, pushing his blond hair out of his eyes. He needed a haircut.

  I gave him the finger.

  He laughed. I couldn’t hear him laugh, of course, but I could clearly see him. His mouth opened and he tossed his head back. I was a witness to the spoken words around me. A spectator to the sounds I could only see.

  “You know what you need? Some pussy.”

  Raina smacked his shoulder and rolled her eyes. She must’ve commented because he looked over at her and winked, replying with his head turned so I couldn’t read his lips. He leaned forward, addicted to her since the day they met, and kissed her.

  It took a matter of seconds before he was on top of her. I shook my head at them. When I came back to Jacksonville after they got married I was afraid to leave my room. They were infatuated with each other.

  I jumped over the back of the couch and returned to my room to get dressed. I couldn’t stay in tonight. My ceiling was still throbbing and Tess’s dismissal was a fresh wound. I pulled on a pair of jeans over my shorts and then grabbed my car keys off my dresser, pocketing my cell and wallet along the way. Kent and Raina were half undressed as I made my hasty escape. I closed the front door and took a deep breath of the midnight air.

  The influx wasn’t calming. It smelled like cigarettes from the neighbor and carne asada from the lady below us. It wasn’t freeing my head the way I wanted it to.

  In my truck, I remained in the parking lot, surrounded by the darkness of night. I didn’t know where I was going. I just needed to leave. For me the destination rarely mattered. I doubted I was going anywhere moving, so why hurry to get there? I’d rather drive around forever going nowhere than end up too quickly at nothing.

  I had to concentrate when I drove. I was disconnected from the sounds of the horns, the cars, and there was a bubble around me. I’d grown used to that bubble over the years. The first couple years being deaf were the hardest. The silence in my brain was pure torture. Having my hearing until seven had granted me enough knowledge of the world around me to remember what everything sounded like. But I’d forgotten some things. Laughter, the sound of my name, and music came to mind immediately. James was a word, not an identifier the same way it was to others. Laughter was only a soundless sight. I could feel the beat sometimes when I listened to music, but feeling something wasn’t the same as hearing it.

  I turned my radio on often for the normalcy. I didn’t know what I was listening to. It was the act that comforted me. I was good at pretending I was like everyone else. Most people weren’t aware I couldn’t hear. I was always quiet anyway, so it wasn’t a hard transition in that regard. I kept to myself out of self-preservation. I didn’t get angry. Grandma Uma had been calling me her turtle my whole life, insisting I hid in my shell whenever things got tough. I couldn’t argue. I’d never had an outburst. I’d never lost control. I hadn’t cried since I was a child. I had my moments as most humans do, I guessed, but I’d always preferred the solitude of my shell rather than the horror of leaving it behind.

  For hours I drove around Jacksonville, inhaling the smells that drifted in through my open window and watching people pass me by. Couples walking hand in hand, talking, listening. It felt like we were in two different worlds.

  At one point I needed to fill up, so I pulled over at a gas station. There was a long line. I waited patiently for my turn, eyeing the day-old doughnuts. Raina made dinner, but I wouldn’t mind one. As I was staring at the way the glaze dripped down the sides, the person in front of me turned around casually, probably looking around the room out of boredom. When she saw me her eyes widened ever so slightly and she smiled a little, sliding her gaze over my body.

  I raised my eyebrow at her. She had to be at least forty. Still, I’d take the compliment. Cougars had their place in this world like everybody else.

  Most of the time I gave my outward appearance little thought. The last time I combed my hair was probably when Uma made me when I was in high school. I wore clothes that had hardly any forethought put into them. I hardly gave a shit about how I looked. I didn’t get why she was looking at me at all.

  “Busy tonight,” she said.

  I could read lips extremely well. I watched people talk constantly, mastering their movements, their words, the way they said things and moved their lips. People always talked. They were never not talking. I expected it. So I happened to already be looking at her mouth out of habit. Otherwise I’d have to talk if I was caught unaware. There were only so many times you could give noncommittal answers before someone demanded one out loud. I’d have to risk admitting I couldn’t hear the words they were offering.

  Thankfully this wasn’t one of those times. I nodded, stuffing my hands in my pockets, and returning to my doughnuts.

  It was Friday in Jacksonville; of course it was busy. Spring break was coming up. I wasn’t excited, but I’d appreciate the chance to let Tess blow over. When we returned to school she’d be a girl again and I’d be an embarrassing memory. We could each pretend the other didn’t exist. We’d both know the truth anyway. I’m deaf and she wasted her time.

  After putting fifty dollars on my pump, a feat considering the clerk stared at me like I was a moron when I mouthed the words rather than speaking them, I went out to start filling my truck. Fifty on Five was easy enough to translate without speaking out loud, but the uneasy look he gave me added to my current mood. Freak, he’d probably concluded after taking my money and looking away.

  I leaned against the back of my truck and watched the bar across the street while I shoved a dry doughnut into my mouth. The name Second Chances was lit up above the entrance. Bodies shuffled behind the front windows. I didn’t normally drink at bars unless I was with Kent, but one beer wouldn’t hurt. It almost sounded like a good idea. I hung up the pump and fastened the gas cap, then got back into my truck. I pulled onto the road, looked both ways, and then drove across the street to the packed parking lot.

  There were people everywhere. I politely made my way through them for the bar. Thankfully, as I’d pushed through the crowd someone was getting up. I slipped into their free seat and looked around for the bartender. There were two of them. A blonde with the words ‘Flying Classy’ tattooed above her gigantic tits and another with a great ass. Her back was to me, so I couldn’t see her face, but her body was curvy and her arms were decorated in colorful tattoos. When she leaned over the bar to hand a customer a drink, her shirt lifted up, revealing her hourglass waist and round full ass.

  I tapped my fingers on the bar, thinking of the best way to ask for a beer without talking.

  The blonde went down the line and the other bartender was making her way toward me. Her hair was long and black, with the kind of volume you see in magazines.

  I frowned to myself. Volume? I repeated indignantly, mentally rolling my eyes at myself.

  I shook my head and moved on to her face. Her skin was summer kissed, but still somehow creamy. When she looked at the guy next to me and smiled I could swear I’d met her before. Her face looked strangely familiar. I stared harder. She was gorgeous, with the kind of face you had to look at for hours because there was too much there to simply define into one second. My heart sped up in my chest the longer I stared. Her cheeks were flushed and her full pink lips looked bright and soft. It wasn’t until she looked at me that I realized why I recognized her. Her eyes. Half green, half gold. A stunning hazel color. Those were Raina’s eyes.

  Her welcome smile slipped from her face when she realized who I was. We’d never met officially, but I could recall running after Raina when this girl was driving the car. This was Becca, Raina’s sister. She licked her lips in shock
, nervousness, I didn’t know, and then she came to stand in front of me.

  “I remember those blue eyes,” she said, shaking her surprise off. “James, right?”

  I nodded.

  Her eyes darted to my ears. She remembered I was deaf. “What can I get you to drink?” She shifted from foot to foot.

  “Beer,” I mouthed. Most couldn’t read lips. Even those who could hear didn’t understand what to watch for when others talked. Certain words worked better than others. Beer was one of them.

  “Light? Dark? IPA? Lager?” She smiled softly at me.

  Was she teasing me? I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I pointed at the guy beside me. He was drinking a Blue Moon. I didn’t mind those.

  “Blue Moon?”

  I nodded.

  She smiled wider and returned my nod. “I’ll be right back with that.”

  Her lips were easier to read than others. They touched in the right places and hugged the vowels, making it easier to see her words. When she said ‘I’ll,’ her tongue caressed it. I shifted in my seat and waited for her to come back.

  She returned with a cold bottle, a frosted glass, and an orange slice. She popped the top and poured the beer sideways so it wouldn’t froth. She placed a napkin on the bar and then set my glass down on top of it, sliding the drink toward me along with the remnants of my bottle.

  I looked at her lips.

  “Four-fifty.”

  I pulled my wallet out and found I didn’t have anything under a twenty. I took the bill out and gave it to her anyway. When she reached into her front apron pocket for change I shook my head.

  “Thank you,” she said, pocketing her tip. She eyed the bar and spotted a man waving at the other end for her help. Right before she took off to help him, she touched my hand in a parting gesture.

  Her hand was cool and soft, trailing over my skin in a way that left a trail of goosebumps.

  Goosebumps? If you’re cold, there’s a sweater in the truck, loser.