A Beautiful Nightmare: A Novel Read online

  I was senseless right now. I could think of no lies. Not a single one. So I told him the truth. Because I couldn’t fathom anything else. “Yes.”

  To show his relief, he brought in a third finger, stretching me enough to feel a slight burn. “Say it.”

  “I love you. I loved you more than I ever loved Denny, more than anyone. And I hated myself for it. I hate myself, Dash. But you also did the wrong thing bringing me here. Oh, yeah, deeper, Dash.” I tried to think around the pleasure, but it fogged my brain.

  “One more finger, and then I’ll get the toys.” His fourth finger tried to stretch my opening, but it hurt past pleasure, and I clenched my muscles. “Shh.” He placed a kiss to my inner thigh. “Relax. It doesn’t fit, but it will.” He pumped into me, stretching me roughly. “You’re so tight, my queen. So new. Why?” He found my clit with his thumb, and pressed down, sending me into a gasping moaning tailspin. When I calmed, he kept up at it, covering me in his truth. “Why?”

  “Denny and I barely had sex,” I revealed. Only after our fights.

  “You didn’t sleep with him after you met me. Because you knew, didn’t you? You knew you were mine the moment we met.”

  “Yes,” I breathed. I had wanted to be his, to be that desired and wanted for as long as he wanted me. I sat up and grabbed a fistful of his hair, holding on as his four fingers stretched me painfully, wonderfully … “I love this feeling.”

  “What feeling?”

  “Not being able to take all of you. You’d never let that stop me, though. Would you?” Don’t let me get in my way. I always did, no matter how hard I wanted to step aside and let the truth in this time.

  In response, he prodded the slight inch I had left inside of me with his thumb, burning my wet heat with the tight fit.

  “No,” he said simply, and pumped me so hard and so fast with his fist I was tearing a hole into my bottom lip.

  “No more,” I growled, jerking so two of his fingers slid out of me. The relief was everything. Animal.

  “More, way more.” His fingers slid out, leaving me feeling wet and empty. “I don’t have it in me to stretch you more. You’re taking my entire cock, my queen, and we’re not stopping until you do.”

  His words made me starving. I ached for him. My fingers fisted in his sheets. “Yes, my king.”

  He growled in the dark, and then he came for me. He placed his hands on either side of my head and found my eyes in the dark, his body hovering over me. “Again.”

  I wrapped my arms around him and gazed into his eyes, letting the truth fall wide open. “You’re my king, Dash.”

  The darkness engulfed us as our hips met. His cock was so incredibly thick and hard, I dug my nails into his back to put the pain elsewhere. The harder he pounded, the harder I dug. We were both in pain and in lust—the way it had always been. He was searing and large, burning me from the inside. But I met him thrust for thrust, locking eyes with him as the sound of our flesh meeting time and time again serenaded our love.

  He pressed my face suddenly into his shoulder. I didn’t understand why until he gave me more of him. My teeth bit into his shoulder. It hurt so damn good. I wanted more, so much more. But he waited long enough for my teeth to unhinge before he gave it to me. So much of him was inside of me, I knew he was changing me to be his. My teeth met his flesh. The taste of his blood lit me with wild lust. “More,” I begged. “I want every inch.”

  My king gave me exactly what I wanted. I was burning from the pain and high on the pleasure. He lowered us to the bed when he was completely inside of me, and kissed my temple so he could whisper in my ear. “Hold on.” I wrapped my arms around him. “You’re never going to be the same after this. I won’t be the same.”

  “Good,” I breathed, and held on for dear life as Dash McKing pounded senselessly into my pussy. He thrusted like a beast, and his sweat dripped on my body. He was so big, and so rough, and I loved every single second he was on top of me, inside of me and claiming me. “I’m yours.”

  My orgasm started right where he touched, ramming into that perfect spot no one had ever touched. It was so consuming and frightening, I braced myself, and when the wave hit me, I let my lies go forever, giving Dash every inch of my body …

  My eyes blinked open slowly. I felt drained and lethargic. There was a heavy weight on me. I turned my head to find Dash curled around my body. My chest was his pillow, and his snores were soft and quiet. I looked around long enough to determine there was no point, and promptly closed my eyes, falling quickly back to sleep.

  Something cold pressed into my lips. I flinched awake when something that felt like a drop of ice slid down my throat. I slapped at it, hitting something warm and firm. My eyes met Dash’s when I opened them. His were shimmering in the dark.

  “Your lip is swollen,” he explained, picking up the piece of ice I’d managed to knock away.

  I licked my bottom lip to find it chapped and raw. I flushed furiously, but Dash wasn’t embarrassed. In fact, he looked the same way he had after we’d made love the first time. Starving and in charge, as if he’d claimed parts of me.

  He brought the ice back to my lip and slowly drug it across my tender flesh. “Do my shoulder.” He wiggled the cup in his free hand.

  I reached inside and brought out a cold square of ice. There was light coming from somewhere. His shoulder had two rows of small indents. They were red and raw. Teeth marks. I stared at them. They’d scar. Probably forever, if not for a long time. They were so sexy I could only stare. I always marked what I wanted.

  “Proud of your handiwork, are we?” His lips quirked.

  With a small nod, I placed the ice back into the cup. Then I met his eyes, letting him know that he’d better not even think about erasing my mark.

  He let the ice on my lip melt, and then he leaned over my body to place the cup on the floor. “We should talk now while you still enjoy my company.”

  “Talk.”

  He settled with his back to the wall, and covered his penis with the sheet. As if that helped. He was pale hard muscle. Messy sexy hair. Those stupid gold eyes. Damn it … my vagina kindly reminded me that she wasn’t up for it again when I began to clench. But I was.

  “Are you done fighting me?”

  “As long as you admit you did the wrong thing when you took me.” I chose to look anywhere else but him. His room was black sheets and gold. He had a television the size of a movie screen on the far wall and a fireplace on the other where the windows should be. There was a sitting area with bookshelves and the same wooden floors as the rest of the house.

  “Kinley. You have to let that go. I will never admit that, because it isn’t true.”

  I grabbed his black comforter and covered my naked body. There was no relenting in his voice. He wouldn’t give it to me. But I wanted it, because he hadn’t done this because we were in danger. He’d done it because he was ill. But I couldn’t expect him to give in when I hadn’t even tried. I did something I never did. I let it go. “Fine. It’s gone.”

  “Good girl.” He found my hand. His thumb rubbed mine. “Thank you.”

  “Hmm.” Stupid deep voice saying stupid sweet things.

  “We are a team?”

  I tried to smother my anxious breathing, but it was too quiet to pretend giving in to Dash wasn’t making me nauseas with worry. “We’re a team.”

  “You are the only ally I have ever had. I will fight for you, and I need to know that you will fight for you too.”

  That he hadn’t asked me to fight for him hurt incredibly badly. I hadn’t fought for Dash. Not one time. I’d ran, like I always had. I’d left him all alone with his fears and wants, because I was too afraid to give up all that I had lied to keep. For the first time in this tower, I was almost certain I would never deserve him. It was a harsh reality. One I would normally throw untruths at until it ran screaming. Instead, I let it burn its way across my conscience. “I’ll fight.”

  “We can share bedrooms. I would like to sleep
with you. It was torture waiting for you to come around.” He sunk low in his bed and opened his arms.

  If I let him have me, that was it. We would both be trapped and marked, but we’d be that way together. It was the only comfort I had as my brain tried to understand why Dash wasn’t the bad guy anymore.

  I slid close to him and ducked under his arm to lay my cheek to his chest. His arms came around me immediately.

  “Thank you, Kinley.”

  We lay like lovers. Skin to skin, hearts pounding, sweat and scents mixing. When Denny and I laid this way, I was never calm. I was tense, because I knew it was only a matter of time before he’d look at me like I wasn’t worth the breath he used to tell me that. With Dash, I felt … assured. He had waited weeks to even have this, and he hadn’t ruined it with his truths. I’d fought it, because horror had a way of altering your mind. Perception could turn a man into a monster when there were breadcrumbs leading me along.

  I pressed a kiss to his chest and pushed the sheets from his body. I moved from his hold and settled on his lap to straddle him, draping my thighs over his body. He watched me rock my hips around as I searched for his erection. When I found it, I let him sink deliciously inside of me. It stung where he had been, but I was used to men hurting me, and this time I had earned the ache.

  I rode him slow and deep, letting him pull out before I took him all the way back in. My hands splayed on his chest and his eyes burned me, heavy-lidded with lust and love. It was the first time the look had ever existed in a man’s eyes before. Maybe one, and not the other. But both? At the same time? While I took his body? I exploded around him, ridding him through the wave. When my arms gave out, he took over, urging me against his chest and grabbing my ass between his hands. He spread me deeper, and then systematically screwed my brains out. My teeth broke my flesh once more, and my G-spot quivered in anticipation as he took me higher, higher, showing me the sky.

  When his hips slowed, and he had filled me with his end once more, I slumped against him.

  “Is that why Denny treated you so poorly?” he whispered, his hands rubbing my back soothingly.

  I closed my eyes in pain. “I can’t have children.”

  Dash didn’t say anything anymore. He understood what that admission meant. Why I’d taken Denny’s abuse, how the guilt of my inadequacies turned them into self-disgust. Why Denny wanted to get rid of me.

  “Shh,” he soothed, when my sobs tore at my throat. He cradled my head and held me, letting me cry myself out. “You are enough for me. You are all I need.”

  My tears dampened his chest. I tried to breathe through the ache I lied to protect. But it was no use. Not around him. He’d see right through it anyway.

  “Let’s bathe.” He placed a kiss to the top of my hair and began to rise.

  I squeezed my legs to keep him inside of me, and sat up after he’d rolled nimbly out of bed. He walked through a doorway a few feet beside the bed. A moment later lights spilled into his bedroom and water sounded. I was dripping with him. Waddling to the doorway, I peeked in to find him adding soap to a black tub. Everything in his bathroom was black and silver and white. It was so different than mine.

  “Toilet’s through there.” He didn’t look at me as he capped the soap and pointed, reading my wants.

  I waddled around the corner, spying an open toilet area. I sank onto the one closest to me and relieved myself. Once cleaned up, I returned to find him waiting for me. He extended his hand, waiting for me to give him mine before he helped me into his tub. The water was too hot, but I gritted my teeth and sat. He sank into the water behind me. Grabbing both my arms, he pulled me back, and wrapped his legs around my waist, holding me in place against his chest.

  “Relax,” he breathed, kissing my neck. “You’ve been fighting for weeks.”

  “Some good it did me.” I uncoiled my muscles, letting his chest keep me up.

  “This is good.” His tongue lapped at my pulse. “You taste like sweat and sex.” He sucked on my skin. “It’s a shame we have to get rid of it.”

  “Mmm.” My head lolled to the side, giving him more of me. He gathered my hair into his fist and swept it to the side. “We could always do it again.”

  “We will.” Pulling my head with my hair, he started on the other side, tasting and sucking on my skin. “There is soap on your left. Hand one to me.”

  I eyed the choices. They were all feminine. I narrowed my eyes and pulled back to meet his. “I take it those soaps were a good guess?”

  His eyes glimmered, but he gave no response, and instead used my hair to pull my head back. He returned to savoring me.

  I reached clumsily for one and handed it to him. Conversation ended as he worked the raspberry vanilla soap into a thick lather in his palms. He then proceeded to wash me into submission. He lathered my breasts, taking the time to work my nipples into hard pebbles. He washed my arms, armpits, neck, chest, and back. Finally, he dunked his hands beneath the water. He parted my vagina and spent a long time making sure it was clean and wanting. He massaged my clitoris and core until I sagged in his arms, on the edge of combusting. His strong hands left me bereft as he moved on to my thighs.

  When he moved to my backside, his lips found my earlobe. I gasped quietly when he urged his fingers between my cheeks and lathered my hole. It was an unexplored part of my body. And I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to become acquainted with him back there.

  Sensing that, he chuckled, removing his hand. “Clean enough?”

  “Yes, pervert.”

  “We are equally matched.”

  I snorted, reading between the lines. “I am nowhere near as depraved as you.”

  “We are perfect for each other. You crave me as much as I crave you. You are as undone as I am. You want me right now, don’t you?”

  And since we were done telling lies, I had no choice but to give him a pitiful nod.

  “I enjoy anal sex.” His warm breath made me shiver. “You will learn to love it as well.”

  “Don’t count on it.”

  “I already have. Dunk your head please.”

  I glared at the water, but did so anyway, sinking below the surface enough to soak my hair. When I resurfaced, he washed my hair for me. It felt so good I forgot how badly I wanted him, and rather, focused on the sensations moving over my scalp. Once my hair had been rinsed as well, and there was nothing left on me that was dirty, I sensed our bath ending.

  Awkwardness invaded my thoughts as he dunked himself beneath the water. What was supposed to happen next? Would we have sex all day and night until it made these walls less confining? He didn’t appear awkward as he rose dripping wet from the tub. He went around the corner and returned with fluffy black towels. He tied one around his waist, and then held one out for me.

  “Go dress. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

  I tied the towel tightly, eager to escape his influence. I scampered, wet, across his bathroom and bedroom, and once free of his side, I continued to my own. In my room, things made sense. I dropped my towel and then used it to dry my hair. I sifted through my panties, ignored the judgmental little monster in my brain, and tore the tags from a scrap of white lace. It fit me perfectly. I searched for the matching bra, and donned it as well.

  Primping?

  “Shut up,” I whispered, searching through my shorts. I found a red pair and hopped into them. I hadn’t seen the sun in weeks. Hadn’t breathed fresh air or felt heat on my skin. I picked a loose white tank, and padded into my bathroom.

  Don’t forget lip balm.

  I glared at my reflection in the mirror as I combed through my hair until it was straight and sleek. My lip was tender and raw, and there were two large unmistakable hickeys on each side of my neck. I couldn’t breathe, and refused to meet my eyes, brushing my teeth staring at the sink.

  How beautiful.

  With a quiet growl, I left the bathroom behind. The light of day looked weak and orange. We’d spent the previous night and all day sleeping and making lov
e. I was sure my face matched the color of my shorts.

  I tried to breathe evenly. In, out. Dash knew. He knew I was a broken woman. I understood that shouldn’t matter. But it mattered more to me than the threat in the office below us. If anything, it was the true reason we were here. Together. Hiding. Marked. Because if I’d been able to give Denny a baby, I never would have lost him. I gagged.

  “What is it?” Dash was in front of me suddenly.

  I couldn’t breathe.

  Denny loved me until we found out I was broken. From that moment on, I was a resentment. He despised me, and I knew it. We never said it out loud. But we didn’t need to. I’d seen the look in his eyes the moment the doctor said that the likelihood of me conceiving was in the point one percentile. That spending thousands on conception would be a waste. A couple months later, I met Dash. My heart took a deep breath; she knew that we could never have him, but if we could, if for some reason we could end up together, he’d never look at me like I was broken.

  Dash already was. When our cracks came together they created a different version of each other that didn’t look so ruined.

  He shook me, grabbed my face, tried to break through my breakdown. I could hardly see him through my tears.

  “Kinley.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Kinley.”

  “Talk to me, baby.”

  “What’s happening?”

  I shoved him away and stumbled into the kitchen. The smell of something sweet swirled around me. I squeezed my eyes shut and whispered If I Only Had the Nerve. Dash wrapped his arms around me from behind and pressed his lips to my pulse. My breathing calmed slowly. My heart stopped hammering. Dash knew the truth now.